The Dart Frog

Had I posted this tale as soon as yesterday, my attitude would have been completely different.  Unfortunately, we all know the drill.  You invest time & energy into talking to someone, getting to know them, going out on a date/dates and all the sudden without warning -- poof!  They've darted, leaving you to scratch your head and harbor over what you did wrong.

I have met a slew of dart frogs while dating, and it always frustrates me greatly because I tend to over-analyze everything.  I ponder over things that I said or did and can't help but feel insecure.  As a result of that, when the inevitable time comes when I need to "be the bad guy" and tell someone that I'm not interested, I actually do it.  I tell them the truth and don't just dart.

Today, my eyes were opened.  After telling a guy that I didn't see it going anywhere, he demanded explanation.  I started it with compliments and things that he did right and then gave him constructive criticism.  Perhaps the compliments weren't the right approach, but it's just in my nature to try to be nice and not hurt someone's feelings.

This conversation led to a 3 hour text exchange where he argued every single point that I made, accused me of not getting to know him well enough and literally begged for another chance.  I've told him repeatedly that it wasn't him, but I couldn't keep seeing him when I KNEW that he wasn't the one for me and that it shouldn't be so difficult this early on -- to which of course he responded, "Everything worth having takes work.  And you're worth fighting for."  Dagger through my heart.

If I didn't feel so strongly that he was a square peg trying to fit into a round hole, I would probably feel guilty enough to go out with him again.  It's made me realize the logic behind the dart frog.  Perhaps it isn't the most mature or kind thing to do, but it certainly is easier.  Rejection is never an easy pill to swallow, but neither is serving up a dose of honesty.  

Lesson learned: the dart frog doesn't always leave because of something that I did wrong.  It's like that fabulous dress in the store that you love on the hanger, but it doesn't fit your figure.  That's not to say it won't look awesome on someone else, but it's just not for you.  I'd much rather keep shopping than invest more time, energy & emotion unnecessarily.

Take A Picture. It Won't Last Longer.

Special thanks to our guest frog blogger, Karen K. from Irvine, CA!

"Having recently signed up for online dating, I read a great bio of a "currently separated" man from a nearby beach city that was staying with a friend inland, about an hour away.  We started communicating with email, and then he suggested texting.

When I asked if he would like to meet for a drink, he suggested we meet at a hotel!  I responded by asking, 'How do I know you aren’t a rapist, murderer or going to slip me the date rape drug?' 

His response, 'I don’t live in fear of possibilities.  I’d never leave my home or get in a car.  That thinking feeds fear and will keep you where you are and says you don’t trust your instincts.'

My response was, 'I trust my gut instinct.  That says be smart.  Don’t meet a man I met online at a hotel for sex when I haven’t even talked to him on the phone.  I’m all for living in the moment and taking a risk, but I have two kids at home that I am responsible for.  I can’t let my desires cloud my smartness.'

He came back with:  'OK.  Don’t mistake instincts for logic.  They are very different.'

Later he decided to share that he was feeling really turned on by me and my photos and sent me a snapshot of his manhood."

Newsflash, frog!!!  Taking a picture certainly won't make this relationship last any longer!

Don't forget to submit your tales to us at frog.tales@yahoo.com

Leave Him in the Frog Pond

After a wonderful first date, I was really looking forward to our second.  Being with him was so natural and comfortable - conversation came easy, lots of joking and laughter, affectionate, and a little friendly competition on the miniature golf course following dinner (That's right, ladies.  He not only paid for drinks and a great 3 course meal, but I also got a round of mini golf!)  At the end of the night, he invited me to a baseball game the next day (which unfortunately I had to decline due to scheduling conflicts).

A few days after our date, I had to leave to go out of town for a long weekend.  We continued to talk while I was away, and he made plans to see me the night that I got back (slightly eager).  We had a nice dinner, but the conversation this time really got me.  He opened up about his personal life, but then came information about family.  Apparently every member of his family is on a minimum of their 3rd spouse.  He grew up with parents who continuously fought, and he uttered the statement, "After what I've seen in my lifetime of marriage, I have no interest.  It's a waste of time, energy and money."  Wow, not quite the romantic ending that I had in mind!

Trying to look past the comments at dinner and not judge him based on his family, we went back to my place to watch some TV, and I convince him to see the awesomeness that is Bachelor Pad.  For those of you who watch, it was the episode when crazy Melissa is crying because Blake is flirting with Holly, and she's just heartbroken because the love of her afternoon life has moved his attention on to someone more sane and stable.

After viewing the scene, he turns to me and in all seriousness says, "There's something that I need to tell you.  I would NEVER allow myself  to get hurt like these people because I won't ever allow myself to fall in love because it is guaranteed to end.  When we aren't together, I will not think about you or talk about you.  I'm just not going to put myself out there to get hurt.  It just won't happen.  Ever."

This honestly makes me so sad that someone could feel this way, but I'm not willing to invest my time and emotion to try to help him "see the light."  If a guy is content living the rest of his life alone in the frog pond, we have to accept it and move on quickly - regardless of how cute, comfortable or charming he may appear to be.

Was This a Date or an Interview?

We all know that dating becomes a bit like hiring for a job.  You have the usual questions that everyone asks on a first date, but NORMALLY there's something from those questions that can spark a real conversation.  When a lull develops, you divert back to your list of questions until you find another good topic.

I went on a date with a guy who worked as a sports reporter for the news.  It quickly became evident that he spent way too much time working and not enough time talking to real people.  We sit down and it starts with a series of questions.  As quickly as I could answer, another one would come.  I felt like the coach at halftime when the reporter is trying to get as much information as possible before the coach scurries away to the locker room.  It was the fastest moving date and left me completely exhausted - and thirsty from talking so much!

It is nice to have someone take an interest in your life, but not when you feel like there's a checklist being run through as quickly as possible.  The only information that I received about him was when he disagreed with my answer.  He did provide me with insight on how I was an improvement from his previous two dates - one apparently listed that she was never married and had no children - but decided to bring all THREE of her children on the first date.  The other also said she was unmarried but had a tan line on her ring finger.  I suppose I should count my blessings that I haven't met those frogs yet.  And on the plus side, at least the whole interview only lasted an hour.

Toad Breath

I apologize for my delay in writing - I've been so busy collecting material that I haven't had time to write about it!  This is going to be a lounging evening at home just blogging about my frog tales :)

Now I realize that there are some natural bodily issues that people just can't control.  Having said that, toad breath is NOT one of them.  Thanks to the folks at Proctor & Gamble and Johnson & Johnson, there is a wide array of products from toothbrushes (with every type of bristle, handle, color and even vibration available), toothpaste, mouthwash, mints, gum...you get the point.  It doesn't matter if you have sensitive gums, prefer the flavor of cinnamon over spearmint (which I do not) or need sugar free options - there IS a product for you.  Like the Men's Warehouse, I guarantee it.

After going on a dinner date recently, at the end of the evening, he leaned toward me for the kill kiss.  He hadn't even reached near my face when it knocked me over like a Mac truck.  I almost gagged in his face from the foul odor coming from his mouth.  Uhhhmmm HELLOOOOO???  If you're going to invest the time, energy and money into taking a girl to dinner, you should consider taking a few minutes to handle the disaster going on inside your mouth!  Peace out, toad breath!

Ice Frog, You’re Not in the NBA!

Last night I went to a local sports bar to check out the Chargers vs. Cowboys football game and have drinks/dinner.  The conversation flowed easily, and we had a lot in common.  He was “in-the-know” of really interesting things happening in Dallas – the latest art gallery exhibits, theater shows, live music, restaurant openings – very cultured.  I’m thinking, “Finally, a man with a sophisticated palate for the arts that also likes sports!”

Throughout our conversation, I can see his eyes drifting south to my chest.  I didn’t feel that my shirt was inappropriate when I left home, but I find myself constantly pulling it up thanks to his wandering eye.  About midway through the 4th quarter, he reaches into his 3rd rum & coke (which I will give him a slight break had looked far more like rum than anything else) to pull out a piece of ice.

He shoots!!!!  He scores!!!! My mind goes wild!!!!

To my complete and utter disbelief, straight down my shirt goes the freezing, wet ice cube!  He giggles like a school girl, and I can do nothing but shake my head and roll my eyes.  Newsflash, you’re not a professional basketball player nor are you a young boy where this childish behavior could be acceptable. 

The Player Got Played & The Toad Felt Like a Donkey!

The more time I spend in the dating pond, the more that I question if there are any good single men left.  I've started to think this blog should have been named Pig Tales for all the egotistical slimeballs who think they are God's gift to the world!

I had been dating this guy - spending hours each night on the phone with him and even planning to bring him home with me in a few weeks.  Sure, he had moments of question but at this point, I would probably fall over if a man didn't.

Over conversation, he had mentioned a few times little jabs about how I needed "domestic boot camp" to be sure that I could cook, clean and do his laundry.  All of which resulted in a smart comment about how he should earn enough money for hired help and not expect ME to do it.  This is 2011, and I have a career - probably more successful than yours.  I'm not taking on your housework or doing things "because you say so."

Well then came the bomb - dropped just as seriously as a heart attack.  I was informed that the Bible calls women to be submissive and that I needed to learn to keep my opinions to myself.  He was the man and therefore the leader in our relationship so I may be "consulted" from time to time on major decisions, but at the end of the day, everything was his decision.  He didn't like that I had suggested a different restaurant for our dinner date.  He was the man and therefore called the shots.  If I had a problem with that, he was a "hot commodity" and could easily find someone else.

Needless to say, that was the last time I saw him.  Upon hearing the story, my friend took it upon herself to find him on the dating website.  She sent him a message that said, "WOW.  Really???" to which he so cockily quipped back a response about how much she must want him.  After a brief exchange to play along, she was appalled.  Still convinced she so desperately wanted him, he sent her a text calling her "sugar lips" (a pet-name he attempted with me that was quickly shot down).  A picture is worth a thousand words:

I wish more than anything that I could have seen the look on his face when he opened that picture and realized that we knew each other.  She proceeded to let him have it with a "Dating 101" and informed him how a relationship is a partnership, and women are not a possession.  I'm grateful to have friends who have my back, and although his pathetic attitude will likely never change, I'm happy to know that at least for a brief moment in time
the player got played & the toad felt like a donkey!